Gave up
Air pressure like an anvil
Forcing me to stop
Lie on floor
Wondering if my heart would stop
Cat there
Flattened
Why go on?
If you can't stand the Heat...
Then what?
A show of hands, please.
Who fucking knows?
Just lying there
Pretending it was good for me.
Then it came to me
After how long I don't know
"THE YES IS WHAT MATTERS"
And I saw
My Week
had too many
No's.
No, you can't do that.
No, I should do that.
No, we don't want that.
No, because she hates us.
No, because we hate him.
No, because I'm afraid of you.
No, because I just
can't.
Then I remembered a text from my
friend
sent from his favorite place on
Earth:
"I am always happiest when I am
here..."
And I felt what it feels like to
feel free.
Even just for a moment.
Because you feel loved.
And you are giving love.
You are wanted. And you are glad to
be wanted.
I thought, "I need to write
this down."
THE YES IS WHAT MATTERS.
I got up.
Rumbling.
Outside rain.
Sun shining.
Thunder.
So so hot still.
But wet.
And the lady across the street
Watering her lawn.
But I made it back.
And I am not afraid anymore.
Marlan Warren, August 2017, Los Angeles, California